The Alienist Episode One: The Boy on the Bridge
TNT’s limited series The Alienist, based on the book of the same name by Caleb Carr, follows three main characters: Dr. Lazlo Kreizler, our titular alienist, who seeks to understand the minds of those afflicted with mental illness; John Moore, an illustrator for the New York Times, who assists Kreizler by lending his eyes and his pen to the investigation; and Sarah Howard, longtime acquaintance of Moore and the first woman to be employed in any capacity with the New York Police Department. The show takes viewers on a tour of 1896 New York’s seamy underside of boy prostitution and police corruption as Kreizler and his allies race to catch a serial killer. The first episode introduces our characters and showcases the first gruesome murder.
John Moore, an apparent patron of brothels, is roused from an amorous encounter by the arrival of Stevie Taggert, employee of Dr. Kreizler, who drives him in a carriage to the construction site of the Williamsburg Bridge. Talking his way past the police by claiming to have been sent for by Theodore Roosevelt (yes, that Teddy Roosevelt), he finds that he is to sketch a horrific murder scene. A young boy clad in a girl’s dress has had his throat slit, his eyes gouged out, and his right hand cut off, among numerous other injuries. His sketches don’t please Kreizler, though, as the doctor finds them too artistic and asks Moore for every detail he can describe. The reason for Kreizler’s interest? It turns out a former patient of his, also a cross-dressing boy, was killed in a very similar way three years earlier. Unable to examine the recent body, he exhumes the earlier victim. His longtime friendship with Roosevelt gets him the loan of two detectives who use “modern methods” to solve crimes. Moore’s friendship with Sarah Howard, secretary to Roosevelt, gets him a peek at the autopsy file (although this proves useless). Kreizler vows to do whatever he can, even dive into the murderer’s thoughts and become like him, to stop any further killings from happening.
Having read the book for the first time not too long ago, the story is pretty fresh in my memory. A couple of changes jumped out at me right away, with the biggest one being that Moore is an illustrator for the New York Times in the series, as he’s a reporter in the book. I think that this might give the character in the TNT series less of an active role to play than he did in the book. The literary Moore was used to digging for information and questioning people to get what he wanted. I hope that shifting his expertise to drawing won’t relegate him too much to the background, or perhaps worse, cast him as the hanger-on who merely follows the others and has little agency.
Sarah seems more “in-your-face” than her book counterpart, although neither version allows men to run roughshod over them. This might be simply a factor of having to get the character established immediately on the screen, and thus we get scenes of her smoking and saying “To hell with” men, as well as flinging insults at one of the resident corrupt cops. I hope they show her character’s intelligence as much as her moxie.
Kriezler is, for me, a breath of fresh air in the “turn of the century detective” genre. Unlike the many portrayals of Sherlock Holmes, Kreizler’s is a contained genius. He’s calm, collected, and obviously compassionate towards those he tries to help. It makes his wild chase after someone who may be the killer, careening between horse-drawn carriages and into an abandoned warehouse, all the more stark by contrast.
I almost want to say that New York itself is a character. There are wonderful CGI renditions of the New York skyline, the crowded buildings, the squalor and the beauty side by side. It’s the soul of those streets that informs much of what we see here–if the show follows the book, viewers will see firsthand the living conditions of those less fortunate, as well as what it drives people to do.
My one complaint about this first episode is that it was a little hard to follow. There’s a lot that needed to be set up in a single hour–the main characters, the setting, the corruption of the local police, the prevalence of prostitution, the attitudes towards those considered to be of a lower class–and because of this, I felt that some information was flying by so quickly that it was tough to take in. I watched this show with Scott, who hasn’t read the book, and there were a few times that he was asking me for clarification of what was happening. His attention wasn’t wandering, but he was having a little trouble connecting all the dots in so rapid a fashion, and if I hadn’t read the book, I would have as well. My synopsis touches on the most important of plot details, because I can’t really document the significance of every glance, every slow motion passage of a shady character, every bit of background that paints the setting.
I’m interested enough to keep watching, so we’ll see what happens next week when we, presumably, see the next victim turn up.
Okay, here we go. The big climate summit at King’s Landing goes off on schedule, with Dany making a dramatic entrance on Drogo. Once again, just like with the Traveling Therapy Group last episode, there are characters meeting up and chatting–Tyrion and Podrick, Tyrion and Bronn, Brienne and Jaime, and even the Hound and the Mountain do the sibling glare for a couple of minutes. But nothing tops this tension-filled discussion of the Great War. Tyrion tries to start everybody out politely, only to be immediately interrupted by Euron, threatening to kill Yara if Theon doesn’t bugger off. A semblance of order is eventually restored, and the Hound brings in a crate full of WTF. He kicks it over and the wight goes straight for Cersei, who actually displays a facial expression as the Hound pulls the wight up just short of her face. Jon demonstrates how to kill the thing with fire and dragonglass, and Qyburn looks like he can think of no better pastime than dissecting one of these freaky things. Euron does what he wanted Theon to do and buggers off to the Iron Islands, reasoning that if wights can’t swim, he’ll just wait things out.
However, even though Cersei now believes in the wights, she has no intention of helping unless Jon agrees to be neutral. He could lie at this point, but instead he tells the truth: he’s pledged to Dany. Cersei flounces off in a huff, with Brienne catching Jaime and begging him to talk to her. But that’s not the important conversation that we’re about to see. That honor goes to Tyrion realizing that his only option is to go and talk to Cersei himself. He walks into the lioness’s den, and the conversation initially goes about as well as you’d think. Cersei nearly orders the Mountain to kill Tyrion, but can’t bring herself to kill a family member–the thing she is most angry at Tyrion for. She’s more concerned with saving her family than anything else, and Tyrion clues in to the fact that she’s pregnant.
Back in the dragonpit, Dany and Jon are having a chat about Jon’s inability to lie, when Tyrion comes back, followed by Cersei. She pledges to send her armies to help fight the army of the dead, and everybody begins to think that maybe the world isn’t screwed after all. But wait… Jaime finds that Cersei was lying all along. Euron didn’t abandon them–he’s off to Essos to bring back the Golden Company (including elephants!) and Cersei has no intention of committing her armies to a losing battle. Jaime’s attempts to reason with her come to nothing, but almost get him killed by the Mountain too. But in the end, he leaves Cersei behind, leaving King’s Landing as snow begins to fall. Winter has come to the South.
Back at Dragonstone, plans are moving on apace to get their armies moving North, and Jon and Dany decide to sail North together, to show everyone that they’re united. Theon, who’s had little to do this season but get his ass kicked, has a heart to heart with Jon, who forgives him for what he can. Theon races off to save his sister, but runs up against the contempt of the Iron Islands sailors. He and the leader have a seemingly one-sided fight, with Theon getting his ass handed to him, until the other guy tries to knee him in the balls… and nothing happens. Theon actually smiles at this, and turns the ass-kicking back on his opponent. Off they go to save Yara.
Back up at Winterfell, Littlefinger is continuing his quest to drive a wedge between Sansa and Arya. He tells Sansa about a little game he plays, in which he thinks of the worst reason for someone to do and say what they do, and then see how well their actions and words fit that reason. Sansa realizes that the worst thing that Arya might want to do is kill her and become Lady of Winterfell. So now what does Sansa do? After a lot of thought, she calls Arya to the Great Hall. Arya faces Sansa calmly, asking her if she really wants to go through with what’s coming, and Sansa does. She pronounces charges of murder and treason, and then asks “How do you plead… Lord Baelish?” And I have never screamed so loud at a TV show in my life. Littlefinger tries desperately to weasel his way out of what’s coming, even dropping to his knees to beg, but all for nothing. Apparently the Stark siblings have been gathering evidence with Bran’s neat new abilities, and they know all of his secrets, all of the ways he turned the Starks against each other. Sansa pronounces him guilty, and Arya slits his throat with Catspaw–his own dagger. He collapses and dies as the siblings watch silently.
Later, Samwell arrives at Winterfell and goes to see Bran. The conversation that ensues is the biggest bombshell of this series. Bran knows that Jon wasn’t Ned’s bastard, but instead he’s Lyanna Stark’s son. But it’s Samwell who provides the crucial piece of information–proving that was listening to Gilly after all!–that Rhaegar and Lyanna were married. Bran immediately wargs off to check this intel, and sure enough, we see the pair getting married. And we finally, finally, get Jon Snow’s real name: Aegon Targaryen, the rightfully born ruler of the Iron Throne. Robert’s Rebellion was founded on a lie. None of these terrible events need to have happened.
But none of this may matter in the end, because at Eastwatch, the army of the dead has finally arrived. The Night King swoops in on Viserion, and the dragon breathes what looks to be cold fire. The Wall, which has stood for eight thousand years, crumbles. The army of the dead enters Westeros.
Let’s start at Winterfell. Littlefinger is still slinking around and causing trouble. Exhibit A: that letter that he planted for Arya to find. Arya confronts Sansa about it and just won’t listen when Sansa says she was forced to write it. Sansa plays the “I was just a child” card, Arya points out that Lyanna Mormont is older than she was then, Sansa asks why Arya didn’t rush up to stop Ned’s execution if she’s so set on blaming Sansa for letting Ned die… round and round we go. I want to slap them both. They both need to wise up and stop letting Littlefinger jerk their chains. Arya knows what Littlefinger is like, and yet she still thinks she’s such hot shit that she can outthink him. No, my dear, he has a couple of decades on you, at least, and he’s honed his sleaziness that whole time. And Sansa, stand up for yourself, girl!
Littlefinger plays on Sansa’s fears of the Northern lords abandoning Winterfell and suggests that since Brienne is the protector of the Stark girls, perhaps she could help solve the little problem that Arya seems to be presenting. This leads to Sansa sending Brienne south to King’s Landing for the big powwow coming up next episode. I hope Brienne didn’t actually go, because I think Sansa is going to need her really soon.
A brief stint at Dragonstone shows Tyrion putting the cart before the horse and thinking about who will rule after Dany. She rightly calls him on playing the long game instead of working to win the war that’s going on right now. She’s also right to start taking action with those dragons of hers. Tyrion may be smart, but he’s completely forgotten that when one person plays by the rules and the other doesn’t, the rule breaker usually wins. In this case, Dany is showing too much restraint against Cersei, who has no issue blowing up anything and anybody to get what she wants. No, Dany shouldn’t go in slaughtering like that, but she needs to do something more definitive, and Tyrion’s advice isn’t helping.
Beyond the Wall, the Traveling Therapy Group seems hell bent on working out all their mutual issues while tramping through the snow. At one point, a wight bear appears out of a blizzard. (Oh great, animals can be raised too? This will become relevant later.) Thoros is the unlucky recipient of a bite to the chest, which Beric helpfully cauterizes with his flaming sword. Badass points are awarded to Thoros for getting up and soldiering on.
A bit later, the group finds an advance group of wights trailing a White Walker. Our heroes ambush the group, and when Jon kills the White Walker, all but one of the wights collapse. The lone survivor is pounced on and tied up in short order, but the noise attracts the entire rest of the wight army. Jon and company channel their inner Sir Robin and take off running. Gendry is sent on ahead to Eastwatch to have a raven sent to Dany asking for rescue. The group ends up on a small island in the middle of a frozen lake, surrounded by the wights who can’t approach without falling through. Beric realizes that taking out the Night King would stop the army, but there’s no way to get to him.
Back up North, Thoros has passed away during the night and Beric burns his body so that he won’t reanimate. The Hound has gotten bored and starts throwing rocks at the wights. This gets them moving across the frozen lake in small groups that don’t break through the ice, and now the group (still toting a trussed up wight) have to fight the army as it slowly but steadily starts crossing towards them. Chaos ensues as the group’s redshirts get nommed on by wights until, overhead, dragons appear! Dany has arrived and her dragons start blasting wights right and left. Landing Drogon, Dany starts loading people onto the dragon’s back–all except Jon, who has a stupidity complex to go along with his heroic impulses. Seriously, do you think wights can gnaw through dragon scales? Or that Drogon’s tail can’t take out more wights than you? Honestly, Jon, you really do know nothing.
And his puddlefutzing around on the ground leads to tragedy: the Night King throws a lance of ice at one of the dragons (the internet seems to agree that it was Viseryon) and kills it. The body slips beneath the ice, and Jon does more stupid heroism and distracts the wights so that Drogon can take off. He is tackled by wights and falls through the ice. But at least the dragons escape. Jon manages to pull himself out of the water and prepares for a last stand (more dumb heroism) when out of nowhere comes Benjen! He tosses Jon on his horse and sends him on his way. Jon’s last glimpse of his uncle is of him being overwhelmed by wights.
Meanwhile, the army of the dead has apparently gotten some chains from the Narrative Supply Store north of the Wall (thank you, Scott, for that term) and pulls Viseryon’s body to the surface. The Night King touches its forehead, and its eye opens–and it’s bright blue. So, the Night King has a dragon now. That surely won’t be disastrous for Westeros.
In the aftermath of the loot train battle, the defeated Lannister soldiers are brought before Dany and Drogon and given a choice: bend the knee or die. Randall and Dickon Tarly refuse, and against Tyrion’s frantic counsel, Dany has Drogon burn them alive. The rest of the soldiers, naturally, decide not to share that fate. While this is going on, Bronn and Jaime pop out of the lake like beached fish, and Jaime realizes that he has to get to Cersei with the news of what happened.
Back at Dragonstone, Jon sees Dany and Drogon returning, and to his (probably) pants-wetting consternation, Drogon lands in front of him and approaches him. Jon takes off a glove and reaches out to touch the dragon on the muzzle (shades of Toothless and Hiccup), which it seems to not only accept, but like. Dany seems surprised at this, as her dragons don’t usually like anybody but her. (Jon’s Targaryen blood showing through? Scott and I were joking that Drogon was thinking “He smells like Mom!”) The two are interrupted by the return of Jorah, back to serve his queen. I squeed a little when Dany hugged him.
In Winterfell, Bran is using ravens to spy on the Night King’s army, and what he sees causes him to tell Maester Wolkan to send ravens out with the news. The Maesters in the Citadel get the message, but as usual, debate what to do about it and whether to believe it. Most of them are of the opinion that it’s more likely from Dany, trying to lure the Southern armies to the North. Samwell, bringing scrolls and books into the room, breaks in to tell them–AGAIN–that the army of the dead is real. He begs the Maesters to endorse the news, because people trust them and will listen to them. All the Arch Maester can promise, though, is to send a raven to Winterfell to confirm the message. As Samwell leaves, we learn that he doesn’t even know yet that he’s the last of his House. Tired of, as he says, “reading about the achievements of better men”, he leaves the Citadel for good. Good on you for wanting to take some action, Samwell.
At Dragonstone, Tyrion and Varys are sharing a drink. And when Varys drinks, you know shit is going down. They’re worried about Dany’s decision to burn the Tarlys, and Varys tells Tyrion to find a way to convince her to take a different tack. He remembers standing by when the Mad King burned people, telling himself that he only provided the information that led to that moment. The showrunners point out in the behind the scenes video that Dany has felt constrained by the advice to take the high road when Cersei isn’t and is therefore winning. I wonder if Tyrion and Varys have taken into consideration that, in this world, it’s harder for a woman to hold power, and therefore, they can’t back down once they say they’re going to do something. Dany gave the soldiers a choice, and the Tarlys chose to stand on their honor instead of saving their lives. And as the showrunners say, while Dany thinks one thing of her actions, and Tyrion and Varys think something else, it’s up to viewers to decide on her motives for themselves.
Upon arriving at King’s Landing, Bronn somehow gets in on this little surprise reunion and lures Jaime to the lower levels where the dragon skulls are so that the brothers can talk. Jaime isn’t inclined to listen at first, not even when Tyrion pleads with him to understand that he only killed their father because he was going to have Tyrion killed, knowing his innocence. But finally, Jaime does listen, and Tyrion tells him that Dany wants to meet about something more important than who’s going to be the eventual ruler.
Davos, meanwhile, has gone into Fleabottom to find someone–Gendry! When Davos finds him, he says what we’re all thinking: “I thought you might still be rowing.” I see what you did there, Game of Thrones. Davos came to get Gendry and take him along, which he eagerly agrees to. Instead of a sword, though, he brings along one of the most badass hammers I’ve ever seen. And pretty soon, we get to see him use it as a pair of King’s Landing soldiers come down to investigate the boat Davos and Tyrion left and nearly run right into the aforementioned dwarf. When the soldiers can’t be deterred from asking questions, Gendry knocks their heads in. Yeah, the boy can take care of himself.
Once again at Dragonstone, Davos takes Gendry to meet Jon and advises that he keep his identity a secret. Gendry immediately ignores that advice and introduces himself to Jon and points out that their fathers were good friends and comrades in arms. The two seem to take to each other right away, and Gendry offers to go North with them. Jorah again takes leave of his queen, kissing her hand, and I admit that I squeed a bit here too. Of course, there’s also some chemistry between Jon and Dany–she says that she’s gotten used to having him around–so who knows how this will play out. The small group heads out to sea to return to the Wall.
Up in Winterfell, Sansa is starting to realize that her sister has turned into a scary person. Arya thinks that the Northern lords who were insulting Jon should have been beheaded, but Sansa tells her that Jon needs their support–and their men–to defend the North. Arya is suspicious of Sansa’s motives, and along with that, suspicious of Littlefinger. She follows him around, seeing him maybe bribing a woman, talking to the Northern lords, and receiving a raven message from the Winterfell archives that Littlefinger seems very pleased to have in hand. Arya breaks into his room and finds it hidden in a slit in the mattress. After pausing the video and squinting a bit, you can see that it says the following (brackets where I either guessed what it says or don’t know): “[King] Robert is dead, killed from wounds he took in a boar hunt. Father […] Joffrey and tried to steal his throne. The Lannisters […] to King’s Landing and swear fealty to Kingn Joffrey and […] Your faithful sister, Sansa”. Arya, shocked, pockets the note and leaves the room, not noticing Littlefinger watching her.
And finally, Eastwatch. Apparently Thoros, Beric, and the Hound were caught and brought to Eastwatch and are now hanging out in the cells. They want to go north of the wall as well, so they join the intrepid band heading out the gate. It’s worth noting that most of the people in this bunch don’t like some of the others: Tormund doesn’t like Jorah because his father hunted wildlings, and Jorah feels the same about him. Gendry doesn’t like the Brotherhood guys for trying to kill him. And so on. But they all come together (at least for now), marching out the gate and into the blizzard beyond.
He thinks that Bran would want it, given that he almost got his throat slit with it. The usual “you can count on me” speech is coming out of his mouth when Bran says “Chaos is a ladder”, something that Littlefinger said to Varys in season 3 (yes, I had to look it up) and that Bran couldn’t have known about. Except that Bran sees everything now and isn’t above using it to creep people out. Baelish uses Meera’s arrival to beat a hasty retreat.
But even better things are in store as Arya finally comes home! At the gate, a pair of guards on loan from the Pirates of the Caribbean franchise try to stop her from entering, but she gives them the slip as they argue about which of them gets to go tell Sansa about the weird girl at the gate. On hearing this, Sansa knows where Arya has gone, and she’s right–Arya is in the crypt at their father’s grave. The two embrace, although there’s still tension between them, and Arya tells Sansa that she has a list of people she’s going to kill. Not creepy in the slightest. The pair meet up with Bran in the godswood, where Bran gives Catspaw to Arya. Viewers across the country fantasize about her planting it between Littlefinger’s shoulders.
A bit later, Arya approaches Brienne, who is training Podrick, and asks to be trained also. Brienne is hesitant until Arya points out that she swore to serve the Stark daughters. Faced with this immutable logic, Brienne spars with Arya and finds that this tiny waif is no pushover. She and Arya score several hits on each other, and Arya loses her grip on Needle, before the bout ends in a draw. Sansa and Littlefinger are watching, and Sansa now realizes what Arya has become. Littlefinger does too, as he visibly blanches when Arya stares directly at him. Again, he slithers away.
Our time on Dragonstone starts with Missandai and Dany talking about, of all things, what Missandai and Greyworm did before he left for Casterly Rock. Dany is giving Missandai the kinds of looks that say “Girl, you had better be ready to dish later!” when Jon approaches them. He leads Dany to a cave and shows her the dragonglass deposit–and it’s massive. But he also shows her, deeper in the mountain, a room of cave paintings done by the Children of the Forest. They depict humans and the Children fighting together against the White Walkers. Jon uses this fortuitous discovery to again push for them to work together. Dany promises to do just that… as soon as he bends the knee. (At which I yelled “Dammit, Dany!” at the screen.)
Later, Davos is teasing Jon about how much he notices Dany’s good “heart” when they come upon Missandai, who tells the men that Dany is their queen by their own choice and that they serve her because they love her. The conversation is interrupted by the approach of a Greyjoy ship, and none other than Theon beaches on the shore. Jon is understandably not happy to see him, but he holds off on killing Theon because Sansa told him about Theon’s help in her getting away from Ramsey. Theon brings the news that Yara is in Euron’s hands and he’s there to beg Dany for help. But Dany isn’t there, and thus begins one hell of an action sequence.
Jaime and Bronn are riding back to King’s Landing, escorting the wagonloads of gold from Highgarden that will be used to pay off the Lannister’s debts to the Iron Bank. The pair are talking to Dickon Tarly when Bronn hears something ominous. The Lannister army forms ranks just as the Dothraki horde crests the rise and thunders towards them. Jaime thinks they can hold the line, even against the whole khalasar, but that notion gets chucked when Drogon flies overhead, Dany on his back. The battle degenerates into the Dothraki slaughtering the Lannister soldiers–at least, the ones that haven’t been reduced to man-shaped piles of ash by Drogon’s fire. (Who else shrieked with happiness when Dany said “Dracaeris”?) But Jaime has an ace up his sleeve. On the way, he swung by Laketown to get Bard’s weapon… oh wait, wrong story. Jaime apparently had a prescient moment and brought Qyburn’s scorpion with him. Bronn gets to it and begins firing at Drogon. Jaime watches in horror as his army is hacked to bits and burned to a crisp. Tyrion is seen watching the battle from a ridge nearby, and the conflict between his loyalty to Dany and his love for his brother is plain on his face.
Then Bronn gets off a lucky shot that nails Drogon in the shoulder. The great dragon falls from the sky for several agonizing seconds before righting himself and hovering directly in front of the scorpion (and a rather startled Bronn). The mercenary just manages to jump away and avoid Drogon’s gout of flame. The dragon lands, contemptuously destroys the scorpion, and then commences a series of draconic complaints that probably translate to “Mom, I’ve got an owie, fix it!” Seeing Dany on the ground attempting to yank the spear out of the dragon’s shoulder, Jaime has an “Oh, fuck it” moment, grabs a spear, and charges the Dragon Queen. Tyrion tries to mentally signal Jaime that this is an exceptionally terrible idea, but it doesn’t work. And soon Jaime is getting an all-too-detailed look at Drogon’s teeth as the pair turn to face him and Drogon starts to flame…
… and Bronn flings himself at Jaime, knocking them both out of the fire’s path and into the water. The last thing we see is Jaime sinking rapidly, pulled down by his own armor.
Let’s start with the night’s big meeting: Fire and Ice! Jon Snow and Daenerys Targaryen come to face to face, and a more tense encounter you can’t imagine. Dany wants Jon to bend the knee to her, citing their houses longstanding alliance in centuries past. Jon feels that her father’s burning of some of his family merits a mention, and Dany feels that she’s still the rightful heir and that Jon is in open rebellion. Whatever, says Jon, we have a bigger problem. Dany is predictably skeptical about the White Walkers and the army of the dead, even though Tyrion indicates that he thinks Jon should be trusted. While Jon and Davos aren’t prisoners–yet–they’re definitely not getting what they want at this point.
Later, Tyrion goes to the cliffs to brood, and he finds himself out-brooded by Jon, who’s already there. (And in a great bit of dialogue, Tyrion acknowledges Jon’s superior brooding skills.) Tyrion points out the reasons that Dany isn’t likely to ally with Jon, but he asks for Jon to give him something that it’s reasonable to ask. Thus, dragonglass. Dany is still skeptical, but a private conversation with Jon convinces her to let him mine the dragonglass for weapons to kill the White Walkers. Well, that’s some progress, at least.
At Winterfell, Sansa is settling into the routine of ruling the North, directing everything from the making of armor to the storing of grain. Littlefinger is oozing along beside her as always, but he does give her some good advice: live as if everyone is your friend and everyone is your enemy. Basically, he tells her to learn to anticipate everything by wargaming it out in advance; that way, nothing will surprise her. This pep talk is interrupted by a visitor–it’s Bran! (Admittedly, I was hoping for Arya, but Bran is good too.) The two siblings go to the Godswood for a chat, and Bran tries to explain his role as the Three-Eyed Raven. Sansa doesn’t quite get it until Bran reveals that he saw Sansa’s wedding to Ramsey by using his powers… and by inference, he saw what came after too. Sansa does not react well.
In King’s Landing, Euron sashays in with Yara, Ellaria, and Tyene in tow. Riding his horse right into the throne room, he presents the Dornish ladies to Cersei as his gift to her. Cersei promises him the reward he wants, but only after the war is won. Euron’s a little disappointed, but he takes his place next to Jamie and begins quizzing him on how to please Cersei in bed. Jamie’s expression during this conversation is priceless.
Cersei turns to Tyene and kisses her, and it’s obvious she’s just delivered the same poison that killed Myrcella. Ellaria’s punishment?… to watch as her only remaining daughter dies in agony, and then rots away. Cersei promises to keep Ellaria alive for a very long time to witness this. Damn, girl. She goes from there to Jamie and, well, let’s just say that Jamie better hope she got all of that poison off of her lips. And in the background, George Takei says “Ohhh myyyyyyyyyy…”
The armies have begun to move–the Unsullied are sailing for Casterly Rock. Tyrion narrates a scenario in which the troops storm the walls with disastrous results, but then reveals that he knows a weakness in the Rock: a back way in that he himself engineered when he designed the sewer system at his father’s behest. Have we ever heard about any of this before? If not, I call deus ex machina. But it turns out not to make a difference to the plot, as Grey Worm and his men roll over the Lannister forces and realize that they won way too easily. Only then do they notice that the Greyjoy fleet has shown up and is in the process of destroying their ships. You can see Grey Worm thinking “Hey, wait, aren’t they on our side?”
The rest of the Lannister army has opted not to defend Casterly Rock, but to instead march on Highgarden, seat of the Tyrells. One unseen (and presumably one-sided) battle later, Jamie goes in search of Olenna. A nice touch in this scene is that if you listen carefully, you’ll hear “The Rains of Castamere” playing in the background music. Jamie and Olenna have their final face-off alone in a high tower room, where the Queen of Thorns has been waiting for him. Jamie confirms that he’s come to kill her and that he talked Cersei out of some deaths that were… inventive, to say the least. Olenna frankly tells Jamie that she regrets supporting Cersei, calling her a disease, and predicts that Jamie will have the same regrets one day. Jamie pours poison into a goblet of wine for Olenna to drink, promising that it will be painless. Olenna doesn’t even hesitate before slamming it back. And then, the Queen of Thorns produces one last barb for Jamie–she confesses to killing Joffrey. Her final words are “Tell Cersei. I want her to know it was me.”